Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't deserve a penis
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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