I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
