There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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