last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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