So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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