This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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