she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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