I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He? As in you personified your dick?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
