noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
