I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
