She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i think i just lost a toe
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
