Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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