fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
