You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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