I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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