can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
