Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
