Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
