Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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