Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
