Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
