you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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