The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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