Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
