You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
