I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
