he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
