Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
