I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
