just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
