I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
