Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
cat food counts as protein by the way
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
