yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
