woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
