Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
