Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
