just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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