i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize