I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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