Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
God I need to hump something, right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
