Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fill condoms, not promises.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
