omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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