Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
