Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
