True but thats because hes a fetus.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
