What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
