My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
