can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
