So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
