So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
