We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
