I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Plan B is the new Plan A
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
