There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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