This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
