Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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