We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
