I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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