We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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