I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
