Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
