im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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