How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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